New life

New life, New friends, New place. Same values, same principles, same faith, same path. This is the equation i have to deal with. At first, the equation seems easily solvable as it is indeed a situation i have already faced. When it comes to its realization, i understand that the task is not that easy.

In our life, many elements we dont think about play a big part reassuring us. They stabilise our route with their everlasting balance. Family, friends, places you like in a city, a weather you ve been used to, all of them in a way help you to have some sort of continuity in your life and because they appear to be stable, they give you the opportunity to think about other things that change. Because of their stability they allow you to analyse your own evolving personality, your growing faith, your changing friends …

When all those elements change in a period of time in which you are bound to change too, your mind gets a lot of information it has to deal with. It is a test, a test of maturity i guess. This is how people can judge who you are. If you become someone, you succeeded. If you dont reach the heights people expect you to, you are a failure.

I somehow try to imagine how i see this uphill i am walking on. And as hard as i try to convince myself that success will come by doing what i am expected to do, i cant accept it. I dont see this test as people want me to see it. I dont want to run after a hard fought and merited height from which i could dominate the person i was in term of qualifications. I didnt come here to add letters after my name. I think i came here to learn. Learn about what i like, learn about who i am. I came to meet others and i came to meet myself.

I am realising that after having spent almost half a year here, many things in my life havent changed and many choices of mine are still the same which confirms the fact that i need them to be the way they are. I realise that I am re dicovering who i am. I am exposed to my weaknesses and i somehow have a better idea of what i can expect from myself.

I am looking for myself and I am looking for the truth. I dont want to pretend i will one day reach it. I think i can satisfy myself thinking that i have been seeking it all way long. Intentions matter to me, realization will come sooner or later. Similarly, i seek knowledge and faith, success and fortune will come eventually.

I am happy the way things have been going so far. Meeting new people and living in a new environment only made me to tune my own personality. I had a slighly off focused picture of myself before coming. Now it is just becoming more clear. What i see in the picture is just the reflection of choices i made. Colours i see are just those i chose. People i see are those who shared the path i chose. People i dont see are those who walked away.

I am holding this picture in my hand and i am walking in that busy street asking everyone whether they recognise the piece of paper i am showing them. So far, people i met appeared to be lost themselves never beeing able to see any ressamblance between their picture and mine. I ll keep looking. I havent lost hope. Hopefully when i meet eyes which recognise their fate in mine i will stop for a moment. I will let those eyes dream with mine and i will put that picture back to where it belongs, far from everything it has suffered so far. It wont be seen again, touched by stangers hand. It will rest in peace with a new hope in mind.

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